Flying by bus across Europe

Pancho´s Burritos

It is noon and I am drinking beer in a market in Manchester. I am also eating chilli con carne at Enrique´s Burrito stand, which is a bad idea because I will probably be farting all the journey. My bus leaves in a couple of hours, 21 hours to Amsterdam. I have a joint and my luggage and I am ready to rock and roll. My flight was canceled so I was stranded thanks to that unpronounceable Icelandic volcano.

Now its 1:45 and I am smoking a large blunt in front of the station, I wish I don´t get anybody next to me in the bus. I really want to sleep. Its going to be 5 hours to London and then I have to wait 2 hours or so to catch the next bus to Holland.

At 2:30 we are on our way and I am very stoned, my new roommates gave me an Ipod so I am listening to grunge and other similar bands, I think I recognize System of a Down, but I listen also to Massive Attack and Portishead, well, life is good after all. I am crossing the British countryside and when we get to London it is still sunny.

Its 7 o´clock and I am drinking beer in the pub across the bus station, there is a football game but I don´t remember who is playing, maybe Barcelona. They have no TV in this pub which is rare. I have to take another bus so I hope that nobody sits besides me, I wanna sleep.

My wish was granted and it is getting dark and I lie down and sleep. There is only a couple nearby chatting away. Its only a two seater so I have to put my legs on the windows like a complicated yoga position. I fall sleep until the driver with a funny voice starts telling us that we need to wake up because we are going to get the bus on the train and the French want to see our passports.

The bus barely fits in the train, we can go outside but really its not like a nice train, its a bit claustrophobic, I prefer to resume my sleep. We will go below the ocean, I hope the tunnel resists the pressure of the English channel. Next stop is Calais where thousands of Britons are stranded trying to get back to their lives.

Elections are happening and the Liberal Democrats had a chance to change the old status quo but….The fascists (corporations, military industries and political elites) took over democracy a long time ago and will not allow real changes. The ruling elites want to morph western societies from police states into full fascist states, as promoted by Bush, Blair, Brown, Obama, Rudd, Harper, Calderon, Berlusconi, Sarkozy, Fidesz along with the Orwellian Nobel Committee, ‘war is peace’ and ‘ignorance is strength’. But TV is so good. I am really disappointed with people.

6 AM and I wake up in Eindhoven, I am in the Netherlands and the streets are deserted. We stopped here and soon we will be in Amsterdam. Everybody gets out and smokes, the city is not that great so I think I am going back to sleep again.

10 AM and we are in Amsterdam, the bloody bus stops outside of city centre, I was expecting to get out at Centraal Station, now I have to walk half an hour with my suitcase to the centre and then an extra 15 minutes because I am lost and I need to change my pounds into Euros. It´s 11 when I get to the hotel and they tell me I have to wait until 2 to check in so I leave my luggage and go to find a coffee shop to smoke and make the best out of it. But first, I have to take a shit in the toalett of the hostel which is not a very nice experience but what can I do? Things can only get better.

I am stoned. I check in and go out again to eat and try to find a decent coffee shop. I don´t know what have happened since the last time I was here. All the coffee shops have this ugly music. Everything is so expensive and full of young, loud and annoying tourists mainly from England and Spain. I cannot find any alternatives to the commercial shit and Paradiso wants 25 Euros to get in, Melkveg doesn´t have anything tonight. My stay in Amsterdam is disappointing.

inexisting bus station

11 o´clock, I am heading to take the tram to go to the bus station that doesn´t exist. It took me 21 hours to get here from Manchester and I have to ride another 22 on the bus to get to Budapest. The station is not really a station just a couple of buses in a parking lot. I hope I have the whole back row for myself. I smoke a big big spliff and I eat a space cookie.

The bus heads down to Eindhoven again, I smoke another joint before we head into German lands, the space cookie is kicking in as well, we have 20 minutes so I run to the bar in front of the station for a couple of beers, I am so thirsty. Orange ways even has a stewardess and free coffee and hot chocolate, they have beers as well, Heinekens for two Euros. I am flying as high as a kite, I try to read a short story of Ray Bradbury, but I am very thirsty so I ask for a two beers and a bottle of water. Sör and viz. I have to practice my poor Hungarian. The lady goes to fulfill my wishes but she breaks the key of the fridge, I am parched and there are no liquids in the bus.

I don´t know what time is it but we are in Dusseldorf. The city looks good, big bridges, a big river, maybe the Rhine. I am still high and I wish I had bought some beers or water in Amsterdam, but I thought the bus station was normal and not just an empty lot. Maybe I should have brought some from Einhoven. I want water. We cross a beach on the river with a lot of Germans drinking and taking the sun. I envy them.

I lost track of time. We stop at a gas station. 10 minutes. Tíz perc. I ask how many minutes from the lady, I said 10 minutes in English she replied annoyed because she is just saying it in English because of me. But her English is very bad. There are only like 4 Hungarians and me on the bus. We will eventually pick up more passengers along the German cities, among them a Japanese girl, at least she will have one more reason to practice her English. I grab a couple of cold beers and water and a small sandwich. They managed to open the bridge. We are saved. We head to Frankfurt.

Frankfurt. We cannot get out of the bus. Almost a year ago I was here. Time flies. I am sleepy now. But I can get beers from the stewardess. Germany is bigger than I thought. Good thing I can lay down and try to sleep. I fall asleep to the rocking motion of the bus. I dream of earthquakes.

7 AM The sunlight crashes through the window, we are outside of Vienna in Austria. The chauffeur tells us to go have breakfast in 20 minutes. I get an orange juice and a small sandwich. 5 Euros, fucking expensive. Only three hours more until Budapest. I didn´t know what time we crossed the Austro Hungarian border. I start reading the signs in Hungarian and I feel I am home.

Budapest. The bus also leaves me in a station outside of what I know. I don´t know why Orange ways has to stop in non conventional stations. I don´t have any Forints, a girl helps me find my way to the metro station. I have to ride the subway and pay my ticket with a credit card. Finally got to Nyugati station. I miss the train to Szeged for 1 minute so I have to wait for an hour for the next one. Prices are accessible now so I can buy something decent to eat. Another two hours and half of crossing Hungary to the south. When I get to Szeged, Marus receives me with a kiss. I am happy. My journey has reached an end. I have crossed Europe flying by bus.